... that Mike Huckabee hasn't a hope in Hell of being elected.
Let's think about our other options:
Mitt Romney: I have no problem admitting I won't vote for a Mormon. Mormonism is fucking crazy by Christianity standards. Seriously, read into that stuff, you will shit a brick. Plus, he looks like the kind of man who bathes in Aqua Velva.
Fred Thompson: Besides looking like Franken Berry (I'm not stealing that from The Daily Show, he honest-to-God looks like Franken Berry) and having the personality of a spent roll of paper towels, he has no real political stance on... you know... things. Can anyone name anything this guy is for except things people don't like? If I wanted waffles, I'd go to IHOP. I'm so witty.
Rudy Giuliani: Beside being a one-trick pony who's out of touch with the bizarre Republican base (which, in an ironic twist, is just as out of touch with reality as Rudy Giuliani), he's unelectable in a good chunk of the south because, really, who out there is going to vote en masse for an Italian unless it's against Hillary? Plus, he looks like a fucking goblin in a suit. A poorly-tailored suit.
Ron Paul: What with the car salesman, Franken Berry, and Rumpelstiltskin, Ron Paul has, at best, a snowball's chance in Hell of winning the nomination. Sadly, Ron Paul is a solid, decent human being with no glaring personality faults that make him truly unelectable... which is why he doesn't get any press.
Thank God the Antichrist (Hillary Clinton, if you're too stupid to see the signs) will give anyone she runs against a decent chance of winning. I'd vote for Ted Nugent wearing a suit made entirely of baby seal faces just to keep Hillary Clinton out of office.
Oh, and Pakistan is blowing up or some crap, but like every other American, I apparently care more about Kanye West's mother ignoring sound medical advice, seeking surgery anyway, and then dying for her stupidity. Apparently rap doesn't make you immune to bullets or cardiac arrest. Tupac and Donda (or whatever) West have much to teach us.
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