Oh Newtie, you naughty, naughty boy. It looks like you've finally decided no one would actually vote for you. Actually, you probably didn't decide jack squat.
Newt Gingrich saying he "decided" not to make a run for the Presidency is like the ugliest, fattest, bucked-toothiest girl at school saying she "decided" not to get a date for the prom. I daresay I question Gingrich's political relevance outside of being a half-ass pundit (a caste given to him when Fox News needs a guest and Asian hottie Michelle Malkin is busy proving Republicans field the hotter babes) and hawker of countless asinine books centering their content on how much this country and its leadership wouldn't suck if people listened to him.
Spoiler: Nobody does.
On top of his uselessness as a political figure, Gingrich actually had the balls to say that he would run if he received thirty-million dollars in campaign pledges. It's worth noting that no candidate has ever received that many contributions that quickly. Ever.
I'd question Gingrich's self-esteem, but I'm pretty sure he's living in a dimension in which every city that doesn't have an eighty-foot-tall bronze statue in his Herculean likeness is burned to the ground for its unforgivable heresy. I'll give Gingrich this much though, the only politico I can think of with more balls is John McCain. Mind you, Gingrich is delusional and McCain is bat-shit insane (I'd vote for him), so it's like the Thunderdome on crazy pills when it comes to a competition involving those two.
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